What do people know you for?

Are you famous for a certain dessert recipe that always cheers people up? Are you the first to take the stage at karaoke and liven up the party? Are you the one that can always find your way, even without directions, no matter how lost your group manages to get? Or, does everyone seek you out for your ability to just listen and sit with unpleasant emotions without trying to change them?

Like a prism casting its spectral brilliance onto the objects surrounding it, we are multifaceted and a multitude of things from others' point of view.

Have you ever thought about how others know and see you? Have you ever tried asking, even if it feels vulnerable? It's not easy to do. It's not necessarily practical to do the investigative work involved in creating your own Johari window.

Instead, you can try a thought exercise you may be familiar with, applied in a slightly different way.

A technique for practicing self-compassion is to imagine your own struggles as something a close friend were going through instead, and offer support to yourself in the way that you'd speak to your friend. This can help you avoid negative self talk.

If you tend to undervalue yourself, or if you struggle to define yourself outside of your ability to produce, to earn, or to hold XYZ impressive title, it might be worthwhile to think about the ways in which other people see you and what they know you for.

Write down or think about ten people in different areas of your life. If you can't come up with ten, five is okay, too. They can be people whose names you don't know, like the cashier at your favorite grocery store who you sometimes exchange greetings with, or even a hypothetical person, like a person receiving the benefits of your volunteer efforts (whether you meet them or not).

Next, write down or think about what they know you for. Depending on how different the people on your list are, you should have a wide variety of things you're known for that make you a pretty cool and special person. And that can help you build confidence.

Note that these things do not have be reasons why you're "useful" or "likable" or "valuable" as you are inherently valuable and worthy of connection and care. It's okay to just be in these relationships. It's okay to just be in your life. You have value just by existing.

All of that may sound obvious, but we could all use a reminder from time to time.

To me, at the very least, you're someone who receives, and hopefully also reads, my newsletter. And that means a lot! Thank you, Reader. I appreciate you.

Cee

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