Before we get into the story, here's a workshop opportunity with someone awesome!

My friend and fellow coach Amy Santee will be running a new workshop called Find Your Career Throughline at the inaugural Throughline design conference by key players and incredible humans Jen Dionisio and Sara Wachter-Boettcher. I know you're going to love this workshop! Amy is a fantastic values-driven coach as well, leading with empathy and years of experience in UX and an MA in anthropology. Needless to say, she gets people, and loves to help them find careers that elevate both their skills and selves.

Amy's not a sponsor and I'm not her affiliate - just genuinely enthusiastic about her work!

Okay, here's the story:

I refunded my first dollar.

Not my first symbolic dollar, which I received in order to test that my payment processor was working correctly.

I refunded the first payment I received for an actual service I was actually selling. I did so in part because I couldn't render the service the client purchased as it was originally offered, but also in part due to a lack of self confidence.

I became self employed due to a layoff that I knew was coming but happened months sooner than expected. I wasn't ready.

But you'll never be ready, they say. It certainly helps, though!

I had taken and was taking various courses. On how to be an entrepreneur. On how to be a coach. On how to do this or that thing better. I was still vastly unprepared for the immense discomfort and shame that comes from the growth process associated with trying something new and putting yourself out there (only amplified by my AuDHD, CPTSD and invisible physical disabilities).

There have been many moments behind the scenes in which I nearly gave up.

Nearly, because here I am still writing to you. Very much imperfect, very much still figuring it all out. But still showing up as best I can (even if it's only very inconsistently in your inbox).
​
​But you're a coach...you should have all this figured out, you might be thinking.

One of the most reassuring things I learned in my first coaching course, and maybe you're familiar with this, too, is that the coaches who connect best with clients are those who are only one or two steps ahead of them rather than being the epitome of perfection. This has proven true in my own life - I connect far better with helpers who I know struggle with many of the same challenges as I do. And ones who don't have all the answers. Because coaches aren't supposed to have the answers - you are. Their job is to draw the inner wisdom out of you that's been hiding within all along.

And it's these helpers who I've had access to at different times along the journey (even extending further back than the history of this particular business and newsletter), whether their title is coach, mentor, therapist, or friend, who have been able to keep me going through the most challenging moments, simply by believing me, and believing in me.

Whether you're on a long and arduous job search, or seeking the first payment for your new passion project, it helps to have someone to believe in you and keep you grounded in yourself. If you could use that kind of support, reply to this message and let's chat. Or just visit my site and have a look around.

Have a great week! I'm not sure when next time will be but until then, stay weird :)